This a true story about an event that happened recently that makes me proud of what I do. I always was proud of what I do because I love what I do, but it is moments like these that are priceless and only solidifies that I am on the right path in life. I was not going to write about it but I wanted to share with everyone to always follow your hearts and passions. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and see what follows.
Today I woke up to my normal routine a little on the tired side so decided why not go to the gym I’m already up anyway. So I go to the gym work out for a bit then come back home and walk my dog. Today is April 18th and a very good client of mine had his birthday on April 7th so I wanted to wish him a happy belated birthday. (I will refer to this person as Joe for a name to be used in this story.)
The last time I saw Joe was in January and when I got back to LA he said he needed some time to focus on a big project that he was working on and that he would not be able to see me on my next trip to NYC in March because there was a lot of loose ends he had to tie up. I said sure not a problem take care of what you have to I will be back in late April and we can celebrate my birthday and your birthday.
I called Joes number and the phone was disconnected I had not been able to reach Joe in 3 months. After this call with the phone being disconnected I was a bit concerned, something was not right I could feel it, so I called the attendant in the building where Joe worked. (He was very open and honest with where he worked and gave me all the numbers to friends, contacts etc and everyone knew me. So I just want to make it clear I do not randomly call clients homes, where they work etc etc I am very respectful of someone’s privacy.) Trust, privacy, discretion, limits are always of the utmost importance.
When I make the call to the attendant I start to make chit chat ask how he is doing etc then I ask “Hey have you heard from Joe?” The attendant got a bit quiet and said “Im sorry to say but Joe is gone”. “What do you mean gone where did he go? Did he move offices? I don’t get it?” The attendant said no Joe has passed. Passed! Passed as in dead passed? What are you talking about when did he die? The attendant said he died 3 months ago. I was in disbelief I could not believe what I was hearing. I had just spoke to him 3 months ago what was going on. Then it all started to make sense to me.
Joe knew he was dying, he never told me that he was dying ……. but he was. I was aware that he had heart surgery over a year ago because I always ask clients if there are any health issues I should be aware of before playing. I saw Joe in January and he died a couple of weeks later in February. He knew that he only had a couple more weeks to live and that was why he said he could not see me in March…….it was because he was not going to live till then. He partially made up the story about the work project to spare my feelings and not have me worry about him. The last thing he told me was “I will see you soon, I am working on my kingdom where you will be at the throne as the Queen. Where everyone will serve the Queen and we will live free without a care in the world. You will always be my Queen.”
Until now I never really thought about those last words because Joe always talked like that so it was totally in character for him. Every morning while I walked my dog I would get a call from him all happy and jovial “Good morning how is the Queen! I hope you are having a lovely day I cant wait to see you, the days go by so slow when my Queen is not here”.
Joe was a very cheerful person, very loving and generous to everyone he met. Everyone in NYC knew him and spoke highly of him and who ever we met he would introduce me as the Queen. People would think he was funny so they would laugh at his funny personality. He lived to make people happy and put a smile on their face, it literally would pain him if there was something that he could not do to help someone that was near and dear to his heart. He would always show up everyday bringing me breakfast in the morning before he went to work, then after work he would show up with some little trinkets that he would be so happy to give me.
When Joe and I first met I knew that somehow we would play an important role in each others lives. However I did not know how important of a role. We had a lot in common, birthdays a week apart, ethnicity, various family names, likes, interests etc. I am very good at reading people and am often able to pick up on many things. Joe told me that he had been searching for that one person to make him happy for years and that when he found me he was the happiest guy in the world. Everyone of his friends had found their bits of happiness and that he thought he lost his a long time ago but now realized in finding me his search was over.
Joe had a significant other whom he talked about often and I would listen. Most of the time spent with Joe was listening to him talk and boy oh boy could he talk. His partner was a world renowned psychologist yet he could never talk to her. He could never express to her his deepest feelings and quirky things that made him happy. He said she would just look down on him and think he was crazy and try to help him “solve his issues”. He was never able to be himself or be happy around her, it was always a show and putting up a front. With me he was able to be open and express himself, a luxury he never had.
Joe always said he felt so comfortable with me and that I would make a great therapist. I thought that was funny but I am a therapist in my own way. Being non judgmental and open minded, I give people the ability to be carefree, speak their mind, act in ways that set them free from every worry and care they have in the world, I give ultimate freedom. Freedom of the mind. Even if it is just for a few moments, those few moments can mean an eternity to someone.
His last days spent on this earth were the happiest days of his life and I am humbled that I was given the opportunity to give this gift to him. I can honestly say I gave him peace within himself a solace that he had been searching for years for.
I write this with a tear in my eye………this is why I do what I do, I love being a Dominatrix for the healing it brings, for the compassion, understanding that it takes to make a person feel whole and complete. BDSM as a whole is not about beating someone, it is not about pain, being a bitch, protocol, rules, or punishment (in some cases those things might be part of the particular play scene) . It is about a connection……a bond, trust, empathy and understanding. I always ask myself why did this person choose me out of anyone else and when we play I listen to everything. I listen to what they say and what they don’t say, I listen to their body, to their breathing to their eyes, to the beat of their hearts. For that moment of play that person is the most important person in the world to me because an exchange of the minds is taking place which is a delicate dance.
He had been building his kingdom this whole time we had known each other. I was just the last piece of his puzzle that he had been looking for. It took him awhile but he found it. Joes last words could not have rung truer “I am working on my kingdom where you will be at the throne as the Queen….we will live free without a care in the world. You will always be my Queen.”
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